Summary XLIV: How to Destroy the Vampires Stored at the Ziggurat?
seven vampires in gaseous form incased in tar- how to destroy/ get rid of
them? There is also a devil in trapped in a jar.
method #10- throw them all into the pool of at the Shrine of
Nevron. " Hey, I know where a pool of holy water is..."
Player # 1: "Sheesh. We'd need an awful lot of holy water, and at the price
of about 3000 gold per gallon, we could run up a little bit of a bill..."
Player # 2: "Hey I know where we could find a huge pool of holy water, and it's
free!"
Okay, we have to confess that Player #2 was ZACK! Hee hee!
method #9 - Sell them to Wilbur's Fish and Critter's - 3000 gp a vampire!
(with proper documentation)
The documentation is the real problem.
"Hello, Wilbar's? I have an offer for you. You see I've got 7 vampires in
gaseous form that I've imbedded in elemental earth. Yeah, do you think you
could take them off my hands? They're a real drag and they keep telling me
to let them out. How much? Ooh, 3000 gp EACH! What a price! [Yeah, right]
Oh, you mean I have to provide verification that they're actually vampires.
How do propose I do that?? How but if you just let your customers upgrade
from Spectre 3.1? Maybe they can make do with documentation from that?"
method #8 - Sell them to Xothan's Enterprises. "we sell 7 vampires and a
devil for this really cool magic item. The item is delivered by 7 vampires
and devil."
Xavier:"Yes, we really do want the Hand of Vecna. Do you think you could
manage the Wand of Orcus if we threw in the Token of Wooden Bridge?"
Xothan:"It would be made easier if Sir Faranyn were dead."
Xavier:"WHAT? How do you figure?"
[on a side note, note the similarity of "Xavier" and "Xothan" Coincidence?
I think not.]
method #7 - Go to the Negative Material Plane and destroy them on their
home plane.
"Yeah, we had to fight 1d6 vampires per round we were on the Neg Mat Plane,
but we took 'em. Look, it was kind of a bummer that we ended up with Sahrak
as a Juju Zombie, but at least he's a Juju Zombie with a sense of humor!"
method #6 - Use the vampire tar for shipbuilding- novel way to introduce
the vampire to running water. "I constructed a ship with the tar, It
sails tomorrow ha ha ha."
method #5 - Use the vampire tar for constructing a roof- should get
plenty of sunshine...
"We usually found that our zero-level workers didn't last too long on this
job. But since we let Malthazanus the Evil Cleric join our crew, we found
that Juju Zombies can tar a roof better than you'd think! Of course,
Malthazanus also mumbled something about substituting the vampires with his
"special formula," too..."
method #4 - Release the gas from the tar and blow the vampires into a
kobold ventilization system- they have good ventilation...
method #3 - Drip them over the oceans of Telvar- one drip at a time...
"If take the total amount of water in the world, and consider it to be
roughly infinite, and we add..."
method #2 - Put them with the deathstealers and quickly shut the door.
Maybe they won't like each other.
Vampires: "Let us out. We are loyal servants of evil."
Deathstealers: "Ooh, Kickball!!"
method #1 - Go to the adventuring reserve to destroy them- put the
vampires in a cart and carry big signs while traveling through the ambush
areas warning that any attack on the party will provoke the party to
release the vampires for the detriment of everyone in the area.
Signs read: "Don't mind us! We're just carrying 7 vampires."
"Vampires on board." "Make a saving throw versus fear or flee in panic."
Raven can protest in the back: "Hey! Let that elemental earth out of
there! I don't think it likes to be in confined spaces with those vampires.
Do you think if we used the Protection from Earth Elementals scroll we could
make them more comfortable?"
Finally method #0- The Tan-El solution- release the vampires near the
Behir so that the Behir is destroyed (Vampiric Behir!) Then release the
Deathstealers to deal with the vampires and whatever happened to the
Behir- Finally release Tellah to deal with the deathstealers or the
vampires depending on who won.
"Why have just one evil? Summon bigger and better evils! Spoil the
environment for millenia to come!"
"High traffic areas? Keep 'em clean by summoning DeathStealers(tm). These
guys will have your families running for their lives -- if they don't have
their souls removed and their bodies inhabited by a passing evil spirit first!"
"Why settle for just one DeathStealer(tm)? If you have a small job, triple
the fiendish fun by summoning Three. That way, there's no way just one
Abjure (registered trademark of another company, which we won't mention)
will work! If you act now, we'll throw in a small army of Undead (featuring
Skeleton(tm), Ghoul(tm), Ghast(tm), and 1-6 Spectre overlords -- regularly a
value of over twelve souls!) and a handful of vassal lesser devils, all if
you just sign on the dotted line..."
Jack (methods) / Kyle (comments)